How to Cope with the Loss of a Loved One
At some point in our lives, we will all lose someone dear to us, whether it be a cousin, grandparent, a parent, sibling, spouse, or even a child. It is often a painful experience.
Sometimes the days become fuzzy, and you feel like all hope is lost; it seems as if you will never be happy again. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things will get better.
It is so vital for us to take time and learn how to cope with losing a loved one dear to our heart, mind, and soul.
We need to familiarize ourselves with the five stages of grief even before going through this trial, so that when it happens, and it eventually does for all of us, we may hang on to hope and move forward.
5 Stages of Grief
Like we all have probably heard and known, there are five stages of grief. Now, just because there are five stages, it does not mean everyone reaches all of them. Some people skip a couple of steps or don’t go in order. These stages are general and more than likely will apply in most cases.
1. Denial
You cannot believe this happened to you. You do not act as if your loved one has passed. You still believe there is something you can do to bring them back. We sometimes go into shock and go through life like a zombie. The world around us becomes gray and we often just go through life with the motions.
However, there is also a good side to denial. It means we are learning how to cope. We are letting ourselves feel the grief that we should feel. We begin the lengthy process towards healing if we allow ourselves some space to grow and reconcile with the tragic truth.
2. Anger
You are mad at the world. You feel like you got robbed and cheated on. This is not fair and it should not be happening to you. This anger can build up to anyone and everyone; it can lead you to reconsider your core beliefs. For example, in this stage, we crave to find the person responsible for our misery: an irresponsible drunk driver, incompetent surgeon, or a silent God.
These feelings again are natural. Most people view anger as a weakness, but throughout the process of grief, it can become a strength. It allows you to feel instead of living in a void of nothingness.
3. Bargaining
You will do anything to bring your loved one back. You will devote yourself to God, do absolutely anything, be a good person the rest of your life, give all your money to the poor, be more loving to your spouse or child, whatever the bargain may be. Your mind is a never-ending merry-go-round of “if only” statements.
4. Depression
After we realize that there is nothing we can do to bring our loved one back, depression hits us like a ton of bricks. The realization and grief overcome us. We withdraw from family and friends and life in general. This period feels like it will last forever and you may never feel happy again.
It is important to note that feeling depressed after the loss of a loved one is a normal feeling. It is NOT a mental illness. If you did not feel depressed at all, that would be unusual. Losing someone so dear to you is a tormenting situation, you should take the time you need to cope with that.
5. Acceptance
This stage can be misinterpreted sometimes with people thinking everything is alright, and everything is okay. Almost everyone will not feel okay after a loved one passes on. This is when they fully accept that their loved one is gone, there is nothing to do about it, and things will get easier. This is their new life and they learn how to deal with it.
How to Help Ease the Pain
As we go through this trial, it helps to find things to ease our pain and suffering. Each and everyone has their way of accepting and facing their new reality, but here are a few suggestions that might be helpful as well.
Jewelry
After losing my child, it was extremely difficult for me to talk to anyone about it, which can happen to anyone. Now that I have accepted it, it has become easier, but at times I still cannot.
For a Christmas gift, I received a bracelet with the saying: “I’ll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms.”
That was the perfect reminder to me that that child is still mine and they can always be with me. I wear that bracelet when I want to feel close to them.
One site that I have come across brings these two concepts together. They make diamonds from pieces of our loved ones, whether it be their hair or parts of their ashes.
Couples can get a diamond ring made from their hair, a mother can get a diamond necklace from her daughter’s hair, or a parent can feel close to their mother by using some of her ashes to create a bracelet to keep with them always.
Pictures
When I was comfortable sharing, I wanted a picture of my family, and not just my family here on earth right now, my entire family, but I didn’t know precisely how to accomplish this.
One post in a Mom group on Facebook had numerous examples of people who draw pictures exactly how I want!
Whatever you decide, find something that reminds you of your precious loved one. Take time to heal. It is okay to go through these stages, as ultimately, they will bring you to acceptance. Know that there is help out there for you and things will become easier.
