Why Am I Not Enjoying Motherhood Anymore?
“Why am I not enjoying motherhood?”
This is a question I asked myself daily for ten months after my second child was born. And, chances are, if you are reading this, you have asked yourself as well.
“I don’t like being a mother. Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?” I’m sure I’m not the only one that had these thoughts either.
There are so many joys of being a mother, but there are also so many struggles of motherhood. It is a never ending rollercoaster.
It wasn’t that my children were difficult, quite the contrary in fact. They were quite literally the sweetest children I’ve ever seen. But I was still a struggling mom.
The problem wasn’t with my children. I don’t know what the problem was. I just couldn’t be happy anymore.
Suddenly nothing about motherhood excited me. Nothing made me happy. For some reason, I was starting to hate motherhood.
I felt my children became too needy and I couldn’t handle it.
The thought of going to bed brought me to tears because I knew it would just be another night filled with no sleep but babies wanting to hold me through the night.
This never happened the first time I became a mom. I longed for my baby to cuddle me all night long.
I longed for every interaction and was so sad when she played on her own.
Something was different this time around, and it wasn’t my baby at all. Why am I not enjoying motherhood anymore?
This site is for educational purposes only. It does not give diagnoses, and it does not serve as a substitute for seeking help from a licensed professional. Always talk to your doctor or therapist for physical, mental, and emotional concerns.
Is it normal to not enjoy being a mom?
Is it ok to not enjoy being a parent? Yes it is completely normal. Everyone goes through these challenges at least some point in their life.
The thing is, you do not have to enjoy every single part of motherhood to be a good mom. It is normal to not enjoy being a mom for some aspects of motherhood.
But, if you don’t enjoy anything about motherhood, something might be wrong and you will need help. Keep reading to find a few suggestions to help you.
What is depleted mother syndrome?
If you are not coping with motherhood very well, you may have Depleted Mother Syndrome.
Depleted Mother Syndrome (DMS) basically means that as the demands of motherhood increase, your resources decrease, leaving you very depleted, triggered, and sensitive to everything around you.
Most mothers who are not enjoying motherhood are probably struggling from DMS in some form or another.
The suggestions later on will help with those feelings of being depleted and will help you get back to feeling better!
What are the hardest years of motherhood?
Usually, the first few years are the hardest because your children are so dependent on you. You are needed for every little thing, at every little cry.
Then hits the toddler stages. Where they test their boundaries, yell no 10,000 times a day, and still do not sleep all night long. And let’s not forget the countless toddler tantrums that just never end.
Some recent surveys even show that age 8 is a very difficult stage. I haven’t hit it yet, but I’ll let you know in a few years if this is true for me.
You hear complains all the time about teenagers as well, so basically any year of motherhood will be hard.
So, if you have ever thought, “I hate being a mom and want to leave”, it will get better mama. Hang in there.
Use the resources at the bottom of the page to help you get through these hard years of being a mom.
Why am I not enjoying motherhood?
Is it ok to not enjoy motherhood? Yes it is totally okay, and there are so many possibilities why you might not enjoy motherhood life right now. Here are a few possible reasons you are not enjoying motherhood.
1. You Have Postpartum Depression
Motherhood struggles are real, but they are so much harder when you have postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is not just feeling down or having the baby blues for a few days after giving birth. It is so much more, and it is brutal.
I found out a big cause of why I was not enjoying motherhood was because I had postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. Once I got the proper help for each of those, I started to enjoy the little things again.
Check out these inspiring postpartum quotes!
2. You are Sleep Deprived
If you are not enjoying being a mom, chances are you are sleep deprived. As a new mom, you barely get any sleep, right after giving birth. Even throughout pregnancy, you are kept awake at night.
Waking up every few hours is not normal at all and the brain cannot handle it. There are studies showing that those who pull all-nighters or even work the night shift are literally slowly killing their brain cells.
You cannot function properly when you are sleep deprived. And that means, all the joy of being a mother is slowly swept away too.
3. You Don’t Give Yourself Grace
Did you lose it with your toddler and yelled? Or did you let your baby cry safely in their crib because you needed a break? Or did you give your child way too much screen time simply because you are dead?
Don’t feel guilty for those things mama. Give yourself grace. You are going through a hard time right now. There will be days where your children are not in front of a screen. There will be days where you get more than two hours of sleep.
But, if you are not giving yourself grace, you probably aren’t enjoying being a mom. You start to feel like you are the worst mom possible. Those negative thoughts will definitely ruin your joy.
Don’t worry if you think to yourself, “I don’t like being a mom.” Give yourself grace! It is okay, and it will not last.
Want more support? Join our FREE mom community here!
4. You Don’t Practice Self-Care
When was the last time you practiced self-care? And I don’t mean leave your baby with their dad while you go grocery shopping or getting alone time to clean or work.
When did you take time to be yourself and do things you actually want without being productive at all?
Chances are, if you are not enjoying motherhood, self-care is non-existent in your day.
5. You Are Going Through Motherhood Alone
Another major reason why you don’t enjoy being a mom could be because you are going through motherhood alone. Maybe you are a single mom with no family or close friends around.
Or maybe you are that introverted mom who has tons of support from a spouse, family, friends, church, etc. but can’t get yourself to ask?
Whatever the case may be, if you feel alone, you will feel the struggles of being a mother are too much and you will lose joy.
6. Because Being a Mom is Hard!
If you are struggling with motherhood, that’s okay! You are not the only one! Being a mom is incredibly hard work!
Who really likes changing blowout diapers all day long? Who loves being a slave to toddlers? Who loves being woken up every hour on end? What mom loves to hear about how she does nothing all day long?
Not a single mom. So, just because you are feeling down about enjoying your full-time motherhood job, don’t worry. It’s okay that it is hard. It has nothing to do with you. It simply is what it is.
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What To Do When You Are Not Enjoying Motherhood
If you are struggling to enjoy motherhood, try a few of these things to see if they help you at all.
Hopefully a few of these tips will help you see how to enjoy motherhood once again, even during the hard times.
1. Talk with Someone
My husband was so supportive and helped me release my feelings. Many nights he held me as I cried and then repeated over and over again how I was being a super mom and doing a good job.
We are usually too hard on ourselves and when we think we are failing, we actually aren’t. It feels good to hear other people’s perspectives of you to see you are actually an amazing mom.
However, it is even more beneficial to simply release your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. While journaling is important and can be a release for some people, usually talking it through with someone else, is more powerful.
Find someone you trust. It can be a co-worker, church member, family, friend, other mom, spouse, therapist, just about anyone who you feel comfortable with ranting and exploding your feelings to.
The Peanut App is a super easy way to talk to different moms all over the world who are struggling just like you. It is free to join and is even ad-free too! It is perfect for introverted moms who still need a place to share their struggles.
2. Use Positive Affirmations
There are so many benefits of using positive affirmations, especially for struggling moms.
Put positive affirmations all throughout the house and say them all day long to get through the tough moments. Here are a few different affirmations for every stage of motherhood:
3. Meditate
Meditate in the morning. I found a powerful one called Finding Joy on the free FitOn app and it changed my days. It is 5 minutes and works best in the morning.
Even if you can only take a few deep breaths, at least that is something. Getting that oxygen to your brain will definitely help.
Square breathing is another one of my favorite ways to meditate throughout a busy and hard day as a mom.
4. Try Natural Remedies or Medication
You can try some herbs to help you be calm and find some mental relief. Ashwagandha and St John’s Wort helped me some.
Essential oils can be beneficial for your mood as well. There are plenty of great natural remedies to help with anxiety, depression, and just for being a mom. I love Earthley’s Anxiety Calm Oil for getting me through hard days.
Sometimes you will need to use medication, especially for postpartum depression, and that is okay. I took some for a few years to help me during my hardest years, and they made such a huge difference.
5. Get a Babysitter
Get a babysitter. Things improved so much when someone took my little ones away for a few hours at a time. A break was definitely needed.
Find someone you trust and give yourself a few hours a week for a much needed break. It will be worth it.
Sure, you will worry when your babies aren’t with you, but you will also feel like a whole new person when you have a few hours without your precious little ones.
6. Practice Self-Care
You definitely need some self-care even if it’s small things throughout the day. Make yourself a new mom self care kit filled with things you love doing, eating, seeing, etc. It can be made up of anything!
You can even practice self-care for five minutes at a time, and it still makes a huge difference.
Here are a few Self-Care Sunday ideas to try out during the weekend too!
7. Go to Therapy
Therapy was the first major step I took and helped me for many months before going to the doctor.
Finding a good therapist who listens to you, affirms your feelings, empowers you, and gives you new tools you can use in your daily life will make your life so much better.
8. Get Outside
You need sunlight. I struggle with getting enough sunlight as a stay-at-home-mom, but I noticed my mood and sleep are so much better each time I make the effort to get outside.
Not only that, but being in nature is extremely therapeutic and helps improve your physical, mental, and emotional health without you doing anything other than going outside.
Do you enjoy motherhood? If not, that is totally okay mama. You will again someday. Do what you can, and give yourself grace. You are doing so much better than you think!
If you find yourself asking, “When will I enjoy motherhood again?” Find help now. You and your precious babies deserve it. It’s so worth it in the end. You got this mama.
